longings

I don't really even know where to start. I'm feeling a little blue tonight. Probably doesn't help that I am by myself. It seems like i tend to get morbidly introspective when i am left alone. I guess more than anything i am just somewhat frustrated with myself. How long can you long for something, pray for something and hope for it to become a reality until you give up hope. I honestly feel silly writing about this on my blog. But felt the need to get it out there. If i am gut level honest i have to admit that if i never get married or even ever have another date i will not be content with that. I sit here on a saturday night drinking a cup of coffee and pouring out my feelings to my computer. i gotta be honest when i think about my life this is not how i picture it to be. like Lloyd Dobbler says in say anything "i'm looking for a dare to be great situation" unlike Lloyd i don't want to be the hero-i want a hero. I want someone to notice me and see that i am worth fighting for. Even more than that i don't want just someone I want a certain someone that will remain nameless here to finally get it-for us to finally want the same things for our relationship. Sorry if this is a bit vague. But I know what i mean and i venture to guess that the few people that read this know what i mean as well. To all of you thanks for being my friends.