Gainfully Employed

I am officially a high school English teacher. (please don't judge my abilities on this blog!) I will start the job on Monday! How crazy is that. shhh, don't tell the kids but i don't know what i am doing. we'll all be learning as we go.

overlooked and forgotten?

As many of you know i am currently looking for a job. Sometime last year i started realizing that one of my biggest fears and misconceptions about God is that I will be overlooked or forgotten by him. I started seeing this in the are of singleness. Through searching my heart I saw how much i believed that he had forgotten about me. Well, while i have been looking for a job and continually have had doors shut in my face (not literally) that lie is creeping up again. I'm starting to see that idolatry is not just the things that we want really badly but any misconception about god that is fabricated in my mind and is not true of his character. His word has told me that he will never leave me nor forsake me. And as i read in Isaiah this morning it says "Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet i will not forget you. See I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." I pray that i will believe this - that HE has promised not to forget about me. The people who receive my resume may forget or overlook me because of my "lack of experience" but The Lord has promised not to and He is faithful.

Kate and Angie-i'm sure this will add fuel to the fire about California. Huh?

computers come to me to die

Most of my friends have heard me say that statement at least once. Well, you're hearing it again because the 3rd computer i have had in about 4 years decided to lose it's operating system. Sounds like a horrible thing. Sounds like the equivelant to a human losing their identity or their memory. This has to be a terrible thing for a computer but let me say an even more cruel thing for it's owner. I have become so dependent on that Thinkpad for my communication to the outside world. Now I have to resort to going to the public library. Ahhh, gone are the days of surfing the net in privacy or looking for cool new music on itunes. I must pause for a moment of silence for my dear friend..

Ok i'm done. I do have more news. I have a new house that i am moving into. It's pretty cute and i love the area that it is in. As i have been driving to my new home i have noticed the same girl running a lot. she likes to wear pants and just her sports bra. which i think is strange. why just the sports bra if you are going to wear long pants? I think she is on a weight loss regime. The last time i saw her though i had a thought. It will be so exciting to watch my new found friend drop the lb's. Maybe that is a bit voyeuristic (sp) but i'm curious. She has inspired me to lace up the running shoes and hit the pavement. Even though i haven't done it yet.

Also, i went on a job interview for a teaching position. something my mother has wanted me to be since college. The headmaster gave the job to someone with a doctorate. imagine that. However, he is trying to find money in the budget to hire me as a part time assistant to him and part time teacher. I would get benefits and an ok salary. This sounds like a great transition job for me. So, if you think of it pray that the school has money in the budget for me!

Praises!

These are the students i have been spending the summer with. Very soon we will be leaving Thailand. Please pray that we will have endurance to finish strong and that we will continue to have a burden for our new Thai friends.

If you look carefully you can see the look of pain on jessica's face...it's just because she misses adam soooo much. just kidding she was getting stung by bugs while we were taking the pic.
















This is my friend Kwan. She came to the evangelistic retreat this weekend. Kwan is a girl that we have been spending a lot of time with. Sarah and I actually went home with her for the anniversary of the death of her grandfather. At the beginning of the summer she was not interested in christianity-but this weekend she told us that she wanted purpose in her life. I believe this is evidence that the lord is at work in her heart. If you think about it pray for Kwan.



My summer in Thailand has been really good for me personally. All year I have struggled with really finding joy in the Lord. But being on staff with ministry I was constantly talking to girls about god and trying to help them. The only problem was that my own heart was hard and cold. This led to much frustration within myself. The only thing i felt wast the ache to want to feel god. But when i went before him it's like i didn't know what to do. It's been like that while i've been here as well but i think the difference is that i've been honest with the people on my team and with god. Just this week i have felt as if the words in my bible have lept off of the page and gone directly into my heart. In Ps. 18: 28 it says "For it is you who light my lamp; the lord my god lightens my darkness." It is god who reveals sin and gives me hope that sin is defeated! I have been so encouraged by meditating on this.

oh one other update from the evanelistic retreat..one girl that i know of became a christian! i'm sure there will be more fruit. we may not see it for some time though.

Thailand fun facts

These are some photos from my trip. I'll give you some details about them. The first one is from when we went to the snake village. As you can see i am not in this picture. That is because i didn't hold one. (shh don't tell anyone but i am really scared of snakes). The guy in the middle would scare the snakes with his one crazy eye. Oh don't worry he also put the cobra's head in his mouth.

The second photo is of sarah but what you can't see as well in the background is the thai version of kip dynamite. we see him every week in his short shorts playing badminton. and let me tell you he is hardcore about it. actually all the thai's are into badminton. they hit that birdie like it'a tennis ball. i never knew that a birdie could be so intimidating. i pretty much suck at badminton! i didn't know that until i came here though.

The third photo is of our mode of transportation. the good ol carryboy. of which i wrote about in the earlier post. the carryboy is falling apart piece by piece. we are carrying around pieces of it's bumper and other parts at all times. the upside is that all 10 team members fit in just fine.

Last but not least. the last photo is of me, stephanie and a girl that goes to samford who is actually from thailand. she came to visit us this summer. she became a christian in america and had not been around thai christians until she came to church with us in Khon Kaen. it's been really cool to see a bigger picture of the body of christ.

i'll write more soon about what i have been learning and processing. my heart and mind have just been muddled lately.

carryboys and the such

well, here is my first post from thailand. as i write this i am sitting on our "front porch" where we actually have wireless internet. angie, thailand has come a long way since we were here. we even found a coffee shop close to us. kku has turned into a thriving metropolis. 7/11/s on every corner where you can find all kind of tasty treats. that may be my downfall this summer. so far we are adjusting fine here. everyone on the team has had a great attitude and we are in the process of meeting many new thai friends. it's amazing to see not only economic change but spiritual change as well here. there are more thai christians now, that are growing and wanting to give their faith away. it's doing my heart good to be here. today we talked about the motivation for ministry -it was so good to hear their staff say that it is not about gutting it out for the lord but about walking in freedom and the fact that knowing we are free makes us want to fight. over here the fight is to want to hang in there in a conversation past the first 5 minutes and to chose to love others more than myself. but isn't the fight the same at home. selfishness is there no matter what side of the earth you are on. it's just magnified here because nothing is familiar and every conversation is draining

on our first trip to the thai version of wal-mart..lotus. kara's car started smoking from around the back tires. one of the staff guys thought it was because the emergency break was not pushed in all the way. so we got back in the death trap loaded down with all of our purchases to come home. we didn't get very far until we noticed that the car would not accelerate. now, for those of you who have not been to thailand...trafic rules are more of a suggestion. we were stopped at a red light at a major intersection and the car would not move. all was well until a 2 story bus came at us at a breakneck speed showing no sign of stopping or moving. all of us were paralyzed with fear the bus swerved at just the right time though. right after that one of the staff wives pulled up beside us we quickly transported ourselves and our goods into her car and sped off. leaving the car to pushed away by the guys on the team. all is well now.

ladies night out and other fun facts

here is the missing photo from the previous post. for some reason i could not get the picture to upload last time. that's my mom on the right with her mouth hanging open. she was saying "florabama" instead of cheese. while this is not the most flattering photo i just wanted everyone to see where i prefer to spend my free time these days.

i'm flying out saturday for thailand. my flight is @ 2:15 pm.

but before that i'm taking my state exam for real estate -thursday @ 1:30 please pray that i pass this the first time. i don't want to be a statistic. you have to make a 70 to pass if people don't pass it's not because they fail-they usually make between 65-69. i don't want that to be me.



i'll keep you guys posted on the happenings in southeast asia.

highlights

Since many of my posts have been rantings or sentimental moments as of late. i thought i would share some of the high points.

1) I went to the Florabama for the 1st time....the kicker with this one...i went with my mother and a whole bunch of middle aged women. i have a picture to prove it...look for yourself.

2) i went on a date and had a good time! i don't really need to expound, do i ?

3) i passed the final for my real estate class. one hurdle cleared

4) i am completely moved out of my house in montevallo. so there will be no more posts complaining about having to do that. i know i know everyone is breathing a sigh of relief.

procrastinators...mount up

hey guys, guess what i suck at time management! for all of you who didn't know it i am a hardcore procrastinator. i live by this phrase "tomorrow is my favorite day of the week". here are words of wisdom from unwise. do not and i repeat do not, wait until 2 weeks before you leave for a foreign country to pack up your house, take a big exam that you don't feel at all prepared for, throw in a vacation and a day trip to nashville. uggghh what the heck was i thinking?

for those of you in town if you would like to help me..moving day is may 20. hopefully i'll see you by me portable on demand storage unit!

and we're back

so i have another date. not with the same person. the one thing i am seeing through this is how scared i am of screwing things up in a relationship. somehow i think going to i don't know a million relationship seminars in my life has maybe done more harm than good. i feel like my expectations for the person are out the roof. i fear that i will make the wrong choice, or that he won't be a "leader" or that others will think i have settled. all of the things i have been taught about relationships sound good in theory i just don't know how much it happens like that. i keep hearing my own advice to people-that there isn't a rule book and everyone's story is different. i tend to give more grace to others than myself it seems. i am seeing that i am almost paralyzed by my fear of repeating past mistakes or just making bad decisions period.

to all the girls i've loved before

a new take on an old song. to all the girls i've loved before who've traveled in and out my door. i finally came along and written you this song. something like that. can't you hear good ol willy nelson singing it. this post goes out to all of the women who have ever darkened the door of 1330 ashville road (aka the ashville estate). there have been more than are pictured here but i didn't have pictures of you on my computer. to all of you, i love you dearly. i have shared more laughter and tears with you than i can count. i am so grateful for the time we have shared together. i never dreamed that i would love all of you so much. i now call you friends.

california or bust

I miss these people. Kate, if you are reading this, for the first time i considered moving out there. In some ways you guys are my family.

vicious cycle

are we doomed to repeat past mistakes? let me change that. am i doomed to repeat past mistakes? i feel like i have gotten in a vicious cycle and am spinning out of control. one aspect of my personality that i have a love hate relationship with is that i am a hopeless romantic. i love it because i continue to hope to find someone to love and be loved by and i hate it for the same reason.

streams in the desert

as i was playing around on the computer i thought about something. i do this (look at my friend's blogs and pages on myspace) to fill up time so i don't really have think about anything. i am concerned for my heart because i would rather write on this blog than pray. i think the reason for that is that i get feedback in written form from friends. i would rather read my friends thoughts than get in the word and read His thoughts. yesterday i was talking to my friend steph and she was sharing how she has felt dry spiritually lately. but she was beginning to see that God was in some way showing her his unconditional love by what seemed to be his absence. that made sense to me because it is in the times of drought that we remember what it was like when we felt close to god.
that conversation reminded me of a hymn

for a moment i withdrew
and thy heart was filled with pain
but my mercies i'll renew
thou shalt soon rejoice again
though i seem to hide my face
very soon my wrath shall cease
tis but for a moments space
ending in eternal peace

The Date "Making Mountains out of Molehills"

that isn't my own title i stole it from a song by barbara kessler and if you haven't heard it, all you single girls should check it out. oh, she has got us nailed.

anyways. i write this to let all my friends out in cyberspace know that i have a date tonight. and let me just say it has been many moons since that has happened. amazingly enough, i am not nervous yet. it is only 10 am though. i am starting to see that since it has been so long i think i have really high expectations for the person i want to date. i feel a bit rusty at all of this and on top of it i think it tends to be a bit more serious now that i am 28. i'm putting way too much pressure on myself. oh well. that's how i roll.

Walking in Circles...the sequal

Where did this walk begin

We met ,I smiled

You hesitated

I pushed

You smiled

We started our journey

No destination

No thoughts of where to go

Or When we would get there

We only walk one way

We only walk one way

Not towards hope

Only repetition

We walk

We walk

We walk in circles

Walking in Circles

Many posts ago I started writing an autobiography about an ongoing "relationship" in my life. I probably should pick that up again. although it is not going to be in story form. If you want to read the other post about this i think it is entitled Welcome to my life. you can get the back story there. Well, today i spent lots of time with my dear old friend. We had an interesting conversation. This is how it went Eric: "well, what do you want to do next" ginny: "i don't care"
Eric: "there's always Homewood park, we can go walk in circles" Ginny: "that's the way our relationship started and what we're still doing" walking in circles that is. We just continue in the same place never moving forward and never getting completely out of each others lives. i will say, this i was really encouraged today and had a good time.

How I feel

This poem sums up how i feel right now.

George Gray

I have studied many times

The marble which was chiseled for me-

A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

But my life.

For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;

Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail

And catch the winds of destiny

Wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,

But life without meaning is the torture

Of restlessness and vague desire-

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

-Edgar Lee Masters

mountain of worry

help! i feel as if i am being buried under anxiety over my future plans. it's not like they are huge decisions but i am feeling overwhelmed and anxious nonetheless. i'm trying to figure out the best thing to do with my furniture and other crap i have accumulated while i am in thailand. where am i going to live? who am going to live with? will i have enough money to live off of? i need to find a place to live that is affordable and has a back yard for the ol pooch. i know they sound like trivial decisions but the trip out of the country and moving back to start a new job really does throw a kink into things. another looming question-will i even pass this damn test anyway? just thought i would throw these questions out into cyberspace and see where they land.

broken things

You can have my heart
it isn't new
it's been used & broken
and only comes in blue

it's been down a long road
it got dirty on the way
if i give it to you
will you make it clean
and wash the shame away
-Lucy Kaplansky