Random Student Quote

Some of my students were asking me about my "love life"; here are some words of wisdom:

"If a person will get fat with you, they are your true love."

I think that truer words have never been spoken.

The Red Thread

There is an ancient Chinese belief which states that when a child is born an invisible red thread connects that child's soul to all those people - present and in the future - who will play a part in that child's life. As each birthday passes, those threads shorten and tighten, bringing closer those people who are fated to be together. There is a beautiful song about this by Lucy Kaplansky entitled "the red thread". I was listening to that in my car yesterday, and I began to weep. I grieved the longings in my life that have not yet been fulfilled. I realized something this summer ,and that is, I don't just want to get married. I want a family. I want my family. This morning, as I was still thinking about this. My thoughts went down a slippery slope. I began to wonder if God is punishing me for some reason, and that is why He is withholding. Now, theologically, I would say a definite "No". But, what I believe and what I experience don't always seem to line up. I don't know where to insert them into my systematic theology and come out with the "right" answer.

Predator?

One of my students informed me of a man in Birmingham ,that is a known child predator, that was caught checking more than books in the children's book section in Barnes & Noble. My first thought was that he had really figured out how to beat the system. I hope that does not sound like I respect him. But, as I was driving home today I caught myself looking longingly at the Dog Park where I used to take Lou. I thought to myself would it be creepy if I went to watch the people and their dogs? Would I then be a dog predator? Would I find myself in the company of the guy at Barnes & Noble?


I also took a quiz online today and found out that I am loved by 92% of people who wear sweaters! How many of you can say that?

Tag

Who knew you could tag people on a blog? Nonetheless I have been tagged twice to do this activity so I will appease the masses! I am supposed to take my names letters and describe myself so here goes...I see some people have cheated and used their easier middle names...Jessica Wright!

G: Great roller skating dexterity! I will post pictures from my roller skating escapade last night. All I have to say is Care Bear Stare.

I: hmm there could be a lot here: intimidated, insecure, intuitive-someone help me feel in the I

N: Nice sometimes

N: Naughty sometimes
(sometimes my humor is a little not so nice and rough around the edges. here's the kicker though-I like that about myself)

Y: Yells at students (not often enough-I really don't like to yell at them. I automatically feel bad about it)

Let me know if you agree or disagree with these! I will now tag Amanda Hannah, Amanda Skinner and Jessica Parris. You're it!

Farewell Friend

Tearfully, I said goodbye to my faithful companion Lou on Thursday. We had a long talk about what was going on and that I was giving her to some people with a bigger yard and lots of kids to play with. I think she understood. I cried and she let me hug her. Is that silly? I really don't care if it is. I put her in her crate in the back of the boy's truck i gave her to. She looked confused and I was sad. She was a sweet dog but had a thirst for freedom that couldn't be quenched with a walk and romp around the park. So, last week I said farewell to my sweet, somewhat annoying, friend. Farewell pant licker and stealer of the socks! You will be missed.


*Lyndsey took photos of Lou in the midst of her great escape. I will post them later and you will be amazed!

20 things I've learned in my 20's

In just 13 days I will no longer be in my 20's. I will be entering a new era of my life....duh duh duh....the 30's. Due to this being a monumental birthday I decided to do a somewhat reminiscent post. Here is my list of things I have learned in my 20's and truth be told am still learning.

1. You can live through heartbreak.
2. Never buy a car when you are in an emotional state.
3. Find friends that are different than yourself.
4. Find friends that are kindred spirits
5. Do the strength training suggested with 1/2 marathon training
6. Say no when friends mom's want to buy them Karaoke machines for Christmas. I'm laughing thinking about this one.
7. Buy metal fences for dogs, even if wood is cheaper.
8. Get over yourself and your insecurity and be the first to speak.
9. When on vacation ask the locals where to eat.
10. Read Caesar's Way before you get a dog.
11. Do things that make you nervous from time to time.
12. God not only loves me he likes me a lot.
13. Coffee is better made with freshly ground beans.
14. You can run farther than you think.
15. Films with subtitles are not to be written off.
16. Classics should be read....they are called classics for a reason.
17. Make friends with musicians...they can keep you entertained.
18. Visit places you have never been with people you really like.
19. Ambrosia had to taste like Diet Coke.
20. Attach all of your belongings to something before taking off for a 2 day canoe trip.

I shall call her Loudini!

My little animal has become quite the escape artist. Last weekend my roommate, Jessica, called me and asked " are you looking for Lou?" with a little bit of fear and hesitation I said "no, why?"
"Well, she is sitting under the carport" the upside to this is that she knows where home is, right. I thought this might have been a one time occurrence but, Jessica came home yesterday to find her under the carport, again. This time there was a note from the neighbor which said they had found her and tried to coax her into the fence and she wouldn't go in. That is not the end of this fascinating story though; today I found her in the driveway barking at the mailwoman. You are probably wondering why I am wasting your time writing about this. Well, for one thing I need another post for the month and the other reason is that I need advice. Do you think I should get rid of her and find her a home with a big yard that she can run in? Should I fix the hole in the fence? Get an underground fence? Call in Caesar aka The Dog Whisperer? Any suggestions from my faithful friends in cyberspace?

New Do and Lou

I thought it would be cool to narrate these but maybe I'm not all that clever. This is my animal looking sweet. Keyword looking. I do really like these pictures though. While I don't claim to know anything about photography I think they turned out ok.
This is Lou with her favorite toy, the pink ball, and doing one of her favorite activities...watching the neighborhood. This is me with my new haircut. Spur of the moment, I decided I needed a new look for 30. Not bad for a $10 haircut.

How to make an American Quilt pt 2

I was strolling along a street in Mountain View with Katie last night an I happened upon this place. I was so excited. I thought maybe I could find some inspiration for my upcoming project. When I looked in the window and found this...... someone is going to have a very merry christmas this year!

How to make an American Quilt

Aunt Dinah's Quilting Party

In the sky the bright stars glittered
On the bank the pale moon shone
And 'twas from aunt Dinah's quilting party
I was seeing Nellie home

Maybe some of you read my post on the fabric of family if you did it may seem like I'm becoming obsessed with quilts. When I wrote that post I started thinking about my granny. Some of you may know, most of you probably don't, my granny is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I wasn't thinking about that when I wrote that post though. My memory went back to her quilting circle. She would gather her friends together in the back bedroom of the house and they would work on a quilt for weeks. I remember their skilled hands working mindlessly, it seemed, as they chatted and laughed with one another. I tucked that memory away with a smile. Then, my friend Katie's son received a gift, which was a homemade quilt. Katie and started talking about the quilt and I told her that story of my granny and the quilting circle. Which then turned into a conversation about my family heritage. I tend to to think that there is nothing special about it nothing worth salvaging or passing down. That conversation changed my mind. Before my Granny becomes too locked inside herself to realize what is happening around her I want preserve the quilting party tradition. I want her to be able to see me with my friends laughing, talking, and sewing mindlessly. Any takers?

*the song lyrics are especially for my JSU friends!

Me...In a Nutshell

Need I say more. I found this t-shirt online it pretty much describes me. Specifically, the part I hate most about my personality. I think this shirt might have to replace the one that said "tomorrow is my favorite day of the week." Can anyone else relate to my problem. I never want to do the thing that absolutely needs to be done. I always want to avoid it. To some it may seem like I forget things. That is not the case. I almost always remember what needs to be done. It hangs over me like Eeyore's cloud as a constant reminder of what I have not done yet. I avoid out of fear not irresponsibility.

Fabric of Family

What is that saying "friends are the family you choose for yourself" okay, okay, maybe it's a little cliche. I think I'm ok with it though. I think so because for some reason I feel more ok with being myself with my friends. More free to grow and move in different directions. This is not a knock to my actual family. I love them and am grateful for them. But in some ways I think I hold back a lot with them. Not sure why. There is something to be said about finding a soul friend; one that just gets you. I have been so blessed in my life to have so many special friends along the way. Friends that actually pray for me, those that continue to be my friend when I can be a little flaky, those that make me laugh and I in turn do the same for them, the ones that allow me to really see their lives, those that are brutally honest, or even try to find my husband. To all of you I hope you find yourself somewhere in this list. It is by no way complete. Somehow I picture all of you as pieces of a quilt that come together with such beauty and grace that makes up the fabric of my family

The Everyman

I love John Cusack. My love began with this movie Say Anything and has continued. I love the character of Lloyd Dobbler. Maybe you don't care but I want to share with you why I love that character. Lloyd is a fighter I could venture to say a warrior. His character is a kickboxer which reveals on the surface what is really underneath. Every girl wants a Lloyd and I'll tell you why. He knows what he wants (Dianne Court) and goes after her. He doesn't back down, he pursues! This picture says it all! Look at him standing confidently (in that outfit) not wavering,holding that ghetto blaster, shouting clearly without saying anything that he loves this woman.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

• "one question, do you need someone or do you need me? Forget it, I don't really care."

• "stick with us and we'll teach you bibles of truth"

• I am looking for a dare to be great situation

• I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen. (I think we all can relate)

• I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

• Lloyd : I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere? Joe: By choice, man.

I could go on. I hope if you have never seen it you should check it out along with with High Fidelity and Gross Pointe Blank!

Long and overdue 1/2 marathon update!

This is the day before the race. We were still on a high from the free stuff at the expo!
This is me awaiting our shuttle to take us to the starting line. As you can see it was dark outside. This is when I really began to question my decision. I look confident though, don't I?
Here we are prerace. Little did we know what would be awaiting us! Lines for miles (it seemed) outside the port o potties. At six in the morning they had all ran out of toilet paper. Note to self bring toilet paper next race. However, we met some nice friends in line who hunted down some tp for us. We had to split it and each got about 3 sheets. This was not nearly enough. I figured this out quickly and resorted to using the actual cardboard roll. OUCH! 2 words kept running through my mind- Staff infection.
Post race! I like to call this death by mileage. I'm sorry all of you have to look at that profile all the time. Whose nose is that anyway???
We weren't really all that happy. I must tell you that Amanda refused to remove her medal that day. I think she might sleep in it. shh don't tell her I let out her little secret.

My heart is a lonely hunter

There is a sadness in my heart that has yet to be explained to my mind. I can't seem to identify what is going on within. There seems to be a deep longing for something and I don't know what it is. Since most of my writings have been about singleness I could tend to blame it on that. I don't think that is what it is though. I think that could be a fruit longing that makes me aware that there is a deeper root longing. David Wilcox has a song entitled "That's what the Lonely is for" There is a line that says "when I get lonely now that's only a sign, some room is empty that room is there by design if I feel hollow that's just my proof there's more for me to follow that's what the lonely is for" My soul feels hollow. I have tried to fill the hollow of my heart with friends, doing well at my job, feeling loved and admired by others, but I have not really held on to the one who made the lonely and longing. If I am honest, I have ran from the lonely I have buried myself in cable tv and movies. Is this what giving up looks like? Is that what the loss of hope looks like? Nothing so obvious but ever so subtle a loss of hope and belief of my father longing to give me good gifts.

Front Porch Confessions

Let me first offer an apology for my blog neglect. Part of my neglect is due to the fact that I just haven't felt like i have had much to say. I have felt a bit numb on the inside as of late. I was talking to some friends about that feeling the other night on their porch. Susan asked me a question that noone has asked me in a long time which was "what can i pray for you?" Pretty simple. I had to think. All of the sudden emotion rose to the surface and I remembered again how much I do desire to know Jesus and how he desires to know me as well. Regrowth sprang up where there once was a withered spirit.

Thank you...Jesus
Thank you...Holy Spirit
Thank you ...God
Thank you ...true friends

Mercy and Justice

I have been thinking about how I am going to teach world literature with my 10th graders next year. My idea right now is to have a theme within the books read. The theme would be social justice. I'm trying to think about fiction stories that include this theme. I would welcome any suggestions.

the votes have been counted

Well, the votes are in and there is no real frontrunner (is that one word?). Oh well, it will be today. I am on spring break this week. It really has lost its excitement. It's more of a respite from my day to day busyness now.

I thought I would combine 1 and 3 (Jason's suggestion). I was doing pretty well dealing with singleness. I think I was so busy with transitioning and learning how to do my job that i just didn't have much time to think about it. Anyway, here are the events that led up to me wanting to hurl a book about singleness across my room with much force. A friend of mine wanted to set me up with someone -it didn't work out- the guy backed out. Which started a downward spiral of loneliness and despair. I then went to school and asked "where are the normal 30 year old guys?" and was told "if they're normal they are all married" then followed up with "do you think you're called to be single?" Agghhh even married men can be really dumb sometimes. The only "high" point in the conversation was when a married 40 something substitute teacher (who i did not know was listening) chimed in to say "she's too hot to stay single" that comment made for a very uncomfortable moment. I realize as i write this that i am doing the very thing that i said i hated -writing about singleness. I digress. Around this time i was given a book about the above mentioned topic. I thought I would give it a try. Maybe it would lend me some insight. It only magnified my hurt. I tried to keep reading, but the girl sounded just like me. She is 37 has been on staff with a ministry and has taught english. As i read i felt like i was looking into my future. And it made me very angry and sad. But this woman seemed satisfied. Which made me even more angry. Can she really be that ok with things? If she can, why can't I? What is wrong with me? These were all of the thoughts I had bouncing around in my head.

On the bright side: I do get a marriage proposal from on of my ninth graders every day. Better than nothing, huh?

Decision '07

I have a few ideas for future posts. Sometimes I'm better at titles than the actual post. So, I thought I would let you vote and tell me which you are interested in hearing about most.

1. 14 or 44. My continual search for love and the receipt from the undesirable.
2. RESPECT find out what it means to me. Stories from the field. (teaching, that is)
3. Why I hate books about singleness.

Ok the ball is in the reader's court. Let me know what you want to read about.

risk and fear

I have been joking about how '07 is going to be my year. Year for what you might ask. My friend Lyndsey and I have been saying it is our year for love. Only, it always seems that the "love" that is offered to me is not what I want exactly. I think one of the flaws in my personality is that i can sell an idea to myself. I will have reservations about something but if i think about it long enough i will make it seem like a good idea. This is dangerous when it comes to dating. It makes it difficult for me to think clearly and objectively. Right now I am more confused than i have been in quite some time. There is a person that has entered into my life and he has lots of baggage. I do to. One thing I have noticed lately is that I really don't trust men. My friends, sure, but not men that are more than buddies. I rarely believe they are going to do what they say they will. I'm wondering if this man is worth me putting time and emotional energy into. I have lived pretty safe for the past 6 years. Is it time to take a risk? Is he somebody that i should take a risk with? I really don't know.