You decide...08

In honor of election season I thought I would let you cast your vote on my hair for the wedding. I have decided that I want an up do, but nothing too fussy. You know I still want to look like myself. So just cast your vote for #1, #2, or #3!

51 days....and counting

The wedding is only 51 days away! I started looking at the calendar yesterday, I mean really looking at it, and began to get overwhelmed. Most of you that know me well know that I am fairly laid back. I think I have shocked most people by how I have not been stressed throughout the process so far. I do believe the tempest may unfold in the month to come. There are so many things that aren't done or haven't even been started yet. Daniel was good for me yesterday he said "just look at it one day at a time and what you can get done that day". Very wise.

I started this post really because I was thinking on how lucky I am to have my extended "family" of friends. I am so happy to be sharing this day with all of you. That you, who have been there to listen and laugh with, will be there for one of the most important days of my life. It just reminds me that Daniel and I are not entering into this covenant alone. You all will be along in the journey with us (I hope). And for that I am grateful. That is why I have enlisted most of my talented friends to help with various needs in the wedding. I wanted that day and the days leading up to it to feel like a family working together; not a group of strangers trying to get more money out of me. To those who have helped and will help with that day I want to say "thank you". Amy McClure has designed my invitations and they are just what I would have picked out. Can I really send you a thank you note? Will it be strange to receive it after you designed it? Jessica Wright has taken the engagement photos (i think you really captured who we are as a couple) and will take the Wedding pictures as well. I'm so glad that you will be there behind the lens that day and not a stranger. Other friends are helping as well but I will thank them later.

Things I think I should like...

1. Hot Tea...it sounds appealing on a day like today. There is something cozy and comforting about the thought of a whistling tea kettle.

2. Artsy movies...like Donnie Darko, sorry Jason, but I've tried. I'm just shallow. I would prefer to watch a Gidget or Tammye movie. Now, don't get me wrong I do like movies that make me think but there are some that are just weird.

3. Mountain Bikes...I want to like them but as per my discovery this summer I prefer my wide seat cruiser. I have big plans for a basket to put on the back.

4. Six Flags(amusement parks in general)...many of you have heard my thoughts on this, but I will share one more time. Number one...they stink. Number two....teenage skank love. It never fails there will be some girl in her cut off jean shorts and her boyfriend who is wearing something equally as redneck will have his hand in her back pocket. Number three...the waiting oh how i hate the waiting in the lines for a ride that is 30 seconds long.

My Favorite Day

Besides getting engaged...My favorite day this summer was spent at Little River Canyon. After helping my stepbrother paint his house. We decided to take an adventure. (I love that Dan is spontaneous) We left Josh's house and I said "let's go to little river canyon" and off we went. No bathing suits and definitely not the right shoes (daniel had on boots) nonetheless we went. On our drive out we reminisced about growing up in that area and how pretty it really is. Daniel talked about how he and his family would go camping there and how his mother always made them wear their life jackets (she's a worrier). After our arrival we did wish we had thought it through just a bit more, but that did not deter us. Some of the things we saw were funny...for one thing our latin american friends do not mind swimming in their underwear. For that reason we opted out of swimming in the mouth of the canyon. We took off with fishing poles in hand to hopefully catch something (we have had absolutely no luck this summer). But gave up quickly and decided to brave the water. First we were a little apprehensive...it was ice cold...but we decided to go further up and further in as we made our way to the other side balancing on rocks trying to not fall Daniel finally succumbed and took me down with him. In we went. We didn't care, we climbed rocks and tried our best to swim against stream and thought for just a minute about riding the rapids back, but then thought better of it. The day was spent talking about family and laughing a lot. I didn't have my camera, but I wish I had.

Engaged!

On Saturday Daniel and I had engagment pictures taken. We had a great time and here are some of the pictures to prove it. My sweet friend Jessica Wright took them. I think they turned out great!

I know almost everyone that reads this, if anyone reads it anymore, knows that I got engaged. I thought that I would do a post anyway. Humor me, okay! Daniel asked me to marry him on July 4, the anniversary of the day we met. We went down to the beach with my mother for the weekend and had a blast. On the fourth he took me out on a date. We went to the Bayside Grill and had by far the best meal we had all weekend. It was perfect there was absolutely no wait and we were able to sit, relax and enjoy the view of the bay. Later that night Daniel, who cannot keep a secret, kept dropping hints about feeling poetic but wanted to wait until we were on the beach. After a customary trip to Wal-Mart Dan was ready to get to the beach. He could barely get all the way on the sand before he turned me around and pulled out a sheet of paper. He finished the poem I had started earlier and posted about us. And at the end he got down on one knee and said "will you be my love for life?" After I chased down the piece of paper with the poem written on it I said yes. He gave me a beautiful ring which I love.

The wedding is set for October 18, 2008! That day can't get hear soon enough either.

Storms

Today I headed to City Hall (a trip that I take daily) to take the mail for work. I usually like to walk because I enjoy my stroll down Broad St. Today was different though. I was stopped in my tracks due to a huge dark looming cloud. I decided to drive. When I finished my tasks I decided to watch the cloud roll in over the Coosa River. As I stood there overlooking the water I thought about how we encounter clouds and storms in life. How there can be a dark cloud in front of us and all light and sunshine behind. That all of our best times seem to be behind us. I was thinking about my dear friend Cheryl and her husband Dewayne. They were a sweet couple that seemed like they had all sunshine and light ahead of them until Dewayne was taken suddenly yesterday. I came to love Cheryl and Dewayne very quickly. Probably because they made me feel so loved. And the news of Dewayne's death rocked me yesterday. I could not and still can't make heads or tails of it. What is my Father's plan for Cheryl? I believe in my core that He is working all things for her good, but I can't see that right now. My vision is often blurred, much like when I need new windshield wipers during even the lightest of rains, and I can't see images clearly. I need something/someone outside myself to make things clear. Just as I do now. I need wisdom and understanding. Lord, grant me these along with your love to show Cheryl.

bye bye mountain bike

Hello comfort cruiser! Now granted my cruiser is vintage and by that I mean a yard sale find that is rusted. I will post real pics of it when I take them. I have fallen in love with the comfort of the cruiser. This is a bike made for a lady. I started riding this bike by default. Daniel and I usually ride bikes a couple of times a week, which I love, and we had two choices for riding which were my mountain bike and the ol' trusty cruiser. Dan likes to pop wheelies and generally act the fool so I didn't think that this bike would be the best option for him, plus the seat was a better fit for my seat (if you catch my drift). I really do feel like a kid again for various reasons:

1. We ride to friends(by friends I mean his mom and my granny) houses to visit.
2. I live with my mother
3. The Cruiser is reminiscent of my banana seat bike (there are no gears and you stop with your feet)
4. Last week we bought push pops for a snack.

I put the "special" in special assistant

Announcement! I got the job. I will be the special assistant to the Museum Director. I don't know exactly everything that I will be doing, but I will begin my new job at the beginning of June. There will not be much, if any, down time. But, hey down time is overrated, right?

Interview

I have a job interview at the Gadsden Museum of Art on Monday. I am excited about this possibility. Please pray that it will be clear where I need to work next year. I really want a job that I will enjoy and feel like I am working for the greater good.

Yeller's Homecoming!

Meet Yeller. This is her after her swim in the mighty Coosa.

Sorry these are out of order, but here she is swimming in the river. Which she did not do voluntarily. Daniel pushed her in. She seems to be a very forgiving animal though. She still loved him after that.

This is Daniel (showing off his muscle he has recently discovered) and Yeller.

It's just us girls! Do you think we look alike?

The wit and wisdom of a fifteen year old

Ms. Conner, it is really, really easy to get depressed by how fast time passes, but when you don't worry about it you're not depressed anymore. While I'm fretting this times passing and that's no good.

-Joe McGhee 9th grader

I just thought I would share the wisdom and insight I gleaned this morning in class. Hope it made you think. It is so much better to hear him in person, but this will have to do.

the right stuff?

Everyone hold your hats, pigs do fly, hell will freeze over because the New Kids On The Block have reunited. In case you missed it on the Today show I thought it my duty to inform you as a responsible citizen with her ear to what is going on in pop culture that they are in fact on tour. I must admit at the tender age of 13 I thought I would marry Joey McIntyre (what fan didn't envision that?). I went to the concert and got all dressed up with hopes of meeting him, no luck. However, I did meet Mark Wahlberg who went on to become Marky Mark of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch and many movies we have all seen. At the time I was disappointed to only meet the brother of Donnie Wahlberg but he did go on to be more famous. Anyway, I must admit that if I were in New York I would have tried to live out my pre/teenage dream of meeting N.K.O.T.B! I know there are more out there that feel like me. I know there are more than just me who would like to hear "Please don't go girl" live and in person. Don't be shy. Holly and Amy break out the big buttons;I know you've still got them somewhere.

My Nemesis!

Any guesses on what my Kryptonite is?

New Addition

NEWS FLASH! I am getting a new dog this weekend,my dream dog. Since I was five years old I have wanted a Golden Retriever and now I am finally getting one. Her name is Yeller and for those of you who are concerned I plan on documenting all of her homecoming this weekend. Stay tuned. There will be plenty of pictures of Daniel (for those who care) too since Yeller will be living with him. And no I did not name her. Does anyone know if you can change a dog's name after they are full grown. If so, any suggestions.

grief and decisions the sequal

Well, for those of you that don't know my stepfather died on Maundy Thursday (the day before Good Friday). It was really quick and intense to say the least. The good thing was that my Spring Break fell the same week that it all happened. I was able to be there the whole time with my mother and Byron's family. There is something to be said about really walking through grief with people and not just stopping by for a visit. Since I have been around more I have noticed the new lines on my mother's face that have come from grief and more than likely from being the primary caregiver to my Granny. My mother is a selfless person who gives without asking for anything in return, even appreciation. I am seeing how I didn't inherit that quality from her. I love praise and recognition but my Mother works quietly and faithfully without need of notice. With that being said I have made the final decision to move back to Glencoe in order to help lighten the load on my Mom. My thoughts on this range from being curious and excited to apprehensive and scared, but I know in my spirit that it is right. Friends, please pray for me to get a job and have an abundant life in Glencoe.

grief, decisions and more

Get On:(David Wilcox and Robert Ellis Orrall)

It's sure to take its toll on me

My heart and mind will not agree

But there's something in this mystery

That calls me from beyond this blue

And right now I only wish I knew

Where all of this is leading to

I'm working up the courage

As I stand here with your hand in mine

And I'm running out of time

And my heart says, “C'mon let's go”

And my mind's saying, “I don't know”

And the train is at the station

But I'm lost in contemplation

And this ticket's only good for just so long

I can think about it 'til that train is gone

Or just get on

It's not just by coincidence

That lives are made of accidents

And doesn't it make perfect sense

That life turns on a point in time

And I know that this is mine

I post this song for a few different reasons; more than ever its lyrics are resonating in my heart and mind. The verse that I highlighted in blue,specifically, has been running through my mind all week long. As many of you know my stepfather went into the hospital last Sunday thinking he had Kidney Stones and came out on Wednesday with the diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer. We were told he has three to six months to live. I have been hearing that line "and doesn't it make perfect sense that life turns on a point in time"over and over. It is so true and I'm beginning to understand more and more how we are not promised tomorrow. I have been contemplating moving back to my hometown of Glencoe, Al. I know many of you will think that it is for the boy , while I know he plays a part in the decision, he is not the biggest part. I started thinking how much of a burden my mother has on her right now and how for the majority of my adult life I have done what I have wanted to do. Sure, I have helped people, but have had a tendency to neglect my family. So, as you see my life could be turning on a point in time as well. While my life in Birmingham may be coming to a close (for a while) and I will grieve that loss. Byron's ( my stepfather) life took a major turn in a matter of days. I am sure we will grieve that loss much longer.

things i hate in the a.m.

When I feel like this after a night of lack luster sleep due to a steroid shot. And no I am not on the roids to bulk up. I've been a little under the weather the last few days.

I would wait on the edge of a canopy and get as big as I can then promptly drop on Ginny's head.

This happened to me today when I was doing one of my favorite morning rituals of getting coffee from O'henry's on the way to work. I was walking out happily sipping on Jamaican me crazy when "splat" a Kamikaze raindrop landed on the top of my head. I hate that.

willing and working

I know I have written about this before, but I feel like it has been a continual theme in my life for the past year. My heart has felt like granite, heavy and hardened, towards spiritual things. I have continued to go to church, because I know it's right and I need it, but have not felt much of the presence of God in my every day life. Occasionally there has been a small glimmer of hope and desire for God to come into my heart and move but not a lot of effort on my part. Slowly but surely and certainly I have started feeling the chipping away of this heart of stone. "lord turn this heart of stone into a heart of flesh" i have begun to plead. This is my prayer; this is my desire. This morning as I was reading in 1 John it all began to make more sense. There is activity that needs to happen on my side spiritually. I needed to repent. How simple is that? Faith and repentance. If I want Him I need to draw near to Him, repent of my sin, and have the faith to believe that I do have an advocate who pleads my case. Amen!

waxing poetically

I thought about you:
Holidays of Hope and Light


We met when freedom rang
And fireworks lit up the sky
What difference did that handshake make?
I could have just walked by

I thought about you when the days were long
I thought about you when the leaves fell free
I thought about you when hearts were thankful
I thought about you and come to find out you thought about me


yes. I know i'm cheesy. This is not finished; definitely a work in progress! I think I like it so far.

I like him...

Hello fellow bloggers, blog readers and lurkers alike! My apologies for the absence in the blogosphere. I have had much to share but I am a chicken about putting these type things on the world wide web. I have had many requests to share so I am going to come out with my new relationship on here. This is my boyfriend (yes I said boyfriend) Daniel Smith. I feel a little silly saying that at the age of 30 but I am excited. I met Daniel this summer at a 4th of July party with my family in one of the least likely cities (if you can call it that) that will remane nameless. My mother invited me to Byron's (my stepdad) son's house to celebrate the 4th with their family. Truth be told I did not want to go. I went to appease my mother. Like all good family gatherings there was food. I loaded up my plate with all the goodies of summertime and headed inside to find a seat. That didn't prove to be so easy I was stopped along the way by a guy with the most striking eyes. With an outstretched hand he said "hi, I'm Daniel Smith" the only problem was I had no free hand to shake his. This did not deter Daniel though;he took my cup of nectar, otherwise known as sweet tea, and placed it on the ground. I shook his hand, introduced myself, and continued inside. All the while thinking that was a different exchange and I found myself wanting to talk to him more. We did end up talking more. He was quite purposeful that day asking me all types of questions; I liked it. I left thinking I might hear from him but I didn't. Well...at least not for another 4 months. He called me the day after Thanksgiving (we tend to like holidays), and asked me on what could have been a very awkward first date ,which was to eat dinner with his family and watch the Iron Bowl.........To be continued....

Random Student Quote

Some of my students were asking me about my "love life"; here are some words of wisdom:

"If a person will get fat with you, they are your true love."

I think that truer words have never been spoken.

The Red Thread

There is an ancient Chinese belief which states that when a child is born an invisible red thread connects that child's soul to all those people - present and in the future - who will play a part in that child's life. As each birthday passes, those threads shorten and tighten, bringing closer those people who are fated to be together. There is a beautiful song about this by Lucy Kaplansky entitled "the red thread". I was listening to that in my car yesterday, and I began to weep. I grieved the longings in my life that have not yet been fulfilled. I realized something this summer ,and that is, I don't just want to get married. I want a family. I want my family. This morning, as I was still thinking about this. My thoughts went down a slippery slope. I began to wonder if God is punishing me for some reason, and that is why He is withholding. Now, theologically, I would say a definite "No". But, what I believe and what I experience don't always seem to line up. I don't know where to insert them into my systematic theology and come out with the "right" answer.

Predator?

One of my students informed me of a man in Birmingham ,that is a known child predator, that was caught checking more than books in the children's book section in Barnes & Noble. My first thought was that he had really figured out how to beat the system. I hope that does not sound like I respect him. But, as I was driving home today I caught myself looking longingly at the Dog Park where I used to take Lou. I thought to myself would it be creepy if I went to watch the people and their dogs? Would I then be a dog predator? Would I find myself in the company of the guy at Barnes & Noble?


I also took a quiz online today and found out that I am loved by 92% of people who wear sweaters! How many of you can say that?

Tag

Who knew you could tag people on a blog? Nonetheless I have been tagged twice to do this activity so I will appease the masses! I am supposed to take my names letters and describe myself so here goes...I see some people have cheated and used their easier middle names...Jessica Wright!

G: Great roller skating dexterity! I will post pictures from my roller skating escapade last night. All I have to say is Care Bear Stare.

I: hmm there could be a lot here: intimidated, insecure, intuitive-someone help me feel in the I

N: Nice sometimes

N: Naughty sometimes
(sometimes my humor is a little not so nice and rough around the edges. here's the kicker though-I like that about myself)

Y: Yells at students (not often enough-I really don't like to yell at them. I automatically feel bad about it)

Let me know if you agree or disagree with these! I will now tag Amanda Hannah, Amanda Skinner and Jessica Parris. You're it!

Farewell Friend

Tearfully, I said goodbye to my faithful companion Lou on Thursday. We had a long talk about what was going on and that I was giving her to some people with a bigger yard and lots of kids to play with. I think she understood. I cried and she let me hug her. Is that silly? I really don't care if it is. I put her in her crate in the back of the boy's truck i gave her to. She looked confused and I was sad. She was a sweet dog but had a thirst for freedom that couldn't be quenched with a walk and romp around the park. So, last week I said farewell to my sweet, somewhat annoying, friend. Farewell pant licker and stealer of the socks! You will be missed.


*Lyndsey took photos of Lou in the midst of her great escape. I will post them later and you will be amazed!

20 things I've learned in my 20's

In just 13 days I will no longer be in my 20's. I will be entering a new era of my life....duh duh duh....the 30's. Due to this being a monumental birthday I decided to do a somewhat reminiscent post. Here is my list of things I have learned in my 20's and truth be told am still learning.

1. You can live through heartbreak.
2. Never buy a car when you are in an emotional state.
3. Find friends that are different than yourself.
4. Find friends that are kindred spirits
5. Do the strength training suggested with 1/2 marathon training
6. Say no when friends mom's want to buy them Karaoke machines for Christmas. I'm laughing thinking about this one.
7. Buy metal fences for dogs, even if wood is cheaper.
8. Get over yourself and your insecurity and be the first to speak.
9. When on vacation ask the locals where to eat.
10. Read Caesar's Way before you get a dog.
11. Do things that make you nervous from time to time.
12. God not only loves me he likes me a lot.
13. Coffee is better made with freshly ground beans.
14. You can run farther than you think.
15. Films with subtitles are not to be written off.
16. Classics should be read....they are called classics for a reason.
17. Make friends with musicians...they can keep you entertained.
18. Visit places you have never been with people you really like.
19. Ambrosia had to taste like Diet Coke.
20. Attach all of your belongings to something before taking off for a 2 day canoe trip.

I shall call her Loudini!

My little animal has become quite the escape artist. Last weekend my roommate, Jessica, called me and asked " are you looking for Lou?" with a little bit of fear and hesitation I said "no, why?"
"Well, she is sitting under the carport" the upside to this is that she knows where home is, right. I thought this might have been a one time occurrence but, Jessica came home yesterday to find her under the carport, again. This time there was a note from the neighbor which said they had found her and tried to coax her into the fence and she wouldn't go in. That is not the end of this fascinating story though; today I found her in the driveway barking at the mailwoman. You are probably wondering why I am wasting your time writing about this. Well, for one thing I need another post for the month and the other reason is that I need advice. Do you think I should get rid of her and find her a home with a big yard that she can run in? Should I fix the hole in the fence? Get an underground fence? Call in Caesar aka The Dog Whisperer? Any suggestions from my faithful friends in cyberspace?

New Do and Lou

I thought it would be cool to narrate these but maybe I'm not all that clever. This is my animal looking sweet. Keyword looking. I do really like these pictures though. While I don't claim to know anything about photography I think they turned out ok.
This is Lou with her favorite toy, the pink ball, and doing one of her favorite activities...watching the neighborhood. This is me with my new haircut. Spur of the moment, I decided I needed a new look for 30. Not bad for a $10 haircut.

How to make an American Quilt pt 2

I was strolling along a street in Mountain View with Katie last night an I happened upon this place. I was so excited. I thought maybe I could find some inspiration for my upcoming project. When I looked in the window and found this...... someone is going to have a very merry christmas this year!

How to make an American Quilt

Aunt Dinah's Quilting Party

In the sky the bright stars glittered
On the bank the pale moon shone
And 'twas from aunt Dinah's quilting party
I was seeing Nellie home

Maybe some of you read my post on the fabric of family if you did it may seem like I'm becoming obsessed with quilts. When I wrote that post I started thinking about my granny. Some of you may know, most of you probably don't, my granny is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I wasn't thinking about that when I wrote that post though. My memory went back to her quilting circle. She would gather her friends together in the back bedroom of the house and they would work on a quilt for weeks. I remember their skilled hands working mindlessly, it seemed, as they chatted and laughed with one another. I tucked that memory away with a smile. Then, my friend Katie's son received a gift, which was a homemade quilt. Katie and started talking about the quilt and I told her that story of my granny and the quilting circle. Which then turned into a conversation about my family heritage. I tend to to think that there is nothing special about it nothing worth salvaging or passing down. That conversation changed my mind. Before my Granny becomes too locked inside herself to realize what is happening around her I want preserve the quilting party tradition. I want her to be able to see me with my friends laughing, talking, and sewing mindlessly. Any takers?

*the song lyrics are especially for my JSU friends!

Me...In a Nutshell

Need I say more. I found this t-shirt online it pretty much describes me. Specifically, the part I hate most about my personality. I think this shirt might have to replace the one that said "tomorrow is my favorite day of the week." Can anyone else relate to my problem. I never want to do the thing that absolutely needs to be done. I always want to avoid it. To some it may seem like I forget things. That is not the case. I almost always remember what needs to be done. It hangs over me like Eeyore's cloud as a constant reminder of what I have not done yet. I avoid out of fear not irresponsibility.

Fabric of Family

What is that saying "friends are the family you choose for yourself" okay, okay, maybe it's a little cliche. I think I'm ok with it though. I think so because for some reason I feel more ok with being myself with my friends. More free to grow and move in different directions. This is not a knock to my actual family. I love them and am grateful for them. But in some ways I think I hold back a lot with them. Not sure why. There is something to be said about finding a soul friend; one that just gets you. I have been so blessed in my life to have so many special friends along the way. Friends that actually pray for me, those that continue to be my friend when I can be a little flaky, those that make me laugh and I in turn do the same for them, the ones that allow me to really see their lives, those that are brutally honest, or even try to find my husband. To all of you I hope you find yourself somewhere in this list. It is by no way complete. Somehow I picture all of you as pieces of a quilt that come together with such beauty and grace that makes up the fabric of my family

The Everyman

I love John Cusack. My love began with this movie Say Anything and has continued. I love the character of Lloyd Dobbler. Maybe you don't care but I want to share with you why I love that character. Lloyd is a fighter I could venture to say a warrior. His character is a kickboxer which reveals on the surface what is really underneath. Every girl wants a Lloyd and I'll tell you why. He knows what he wants (Dianne Court) and goes after her. He doesn't back down, he pursues! This picture says it all! Look at him standing confidently (in that outfit) not wavering,holding that ghetto blaster, shouting clearly without saying anything that he loves this woman.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

• "one question, do you need someone or do you need me? Forget it, I don't really care."

• "stick with us and we'll teach you bibles of truth"

• I am looking for a dare to be great situation

• I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen. (I think we all can relate)

• I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

• Lloyd : I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere? Joe: By choice, man.

I could go on. I hope if you have never seen it you should check it out along with with High Fidelity and Gross Pointe Blank!

Long and overdue 1/2 marathon update!

This is the day before the race. We were still on a high from the free stuff at the expo!
This is me awaiting our shuttle to take us to the starting line. As you can see it was dark outside. This is when I really began to question my decision. I look confident though, don't I?
Here we are prerace. Little did we know what would be awaiting us! Lines for miles (it seemed) outside the port o potties. At six in the morning they had all ran out of toilet paper. Note to self bring toilet paper next race. However, we met some nice friends in line who hunted down some tp for us. We had to split it and each got about 3 sheets. This was not nearly enough. I figured this out quickly and resorted to using the actual cardboard roll. OUCH! 2 words kept running through my mind- Staff infection.
Post race! I like to call this death by mileage. I'm sorry all of you have to look at that profile all the time. Whose nose is that anyway???
We weren't really all that happy. I must tell you that Amanda refused to remove her medal that day. I think she might sleep in it. shh don't tell her I let out her little secret.

My heart is a lonely hunter

There is a sadness in my heart that has yet to be explained to my mind. I can't seem to identify what is going on within. There seems to be a deep longing for something and I don't know what it is. Since most of my writings have been about singleness I could tend to blame it on that. I don't think that is what it is though. I think that could be a fruit longing that makes me aware that there is a deeper root longing. David Wilcox has a song entitled "That's what the Lonely is for" There is a line that says "when I get lonely now that's only a sign, some room is empty that room is there by design if I feel hollow that's just my proof there's more for me to follow that's what the lonely is for" My soul feels hollow. I have tried to fill the hollow of my heart with friends, doing well at my job, feeling loved and admired by others, but I have not really held on to the one who made the lonely and longing. If I am honest, I have ran from the lonely I have buried myself in cable tv and movies. Is this what giving up looks like? Is that what the loss of hope looks like? Nothing so obvious but ever so subtle a loss of hope and belief of my father longing to give me good gifts.

Front Porch Confessions

Let me first offer an apology for my blog neglect. Part of my neglect is due to the fact that I just haven't felt like i have had much to say. I have felt a bit numb on the inside as of late. I was talking to some friends about that feeling the other night on their porch. Susan asked me a question that noone has asked me in a long time which was "what can i pray for you?" Pretty simple. I had to think. All of the sudden emotion rose to the surface and I remembered again how much I do desire to know Jesus and how he desires to know me as well. Regrowth sprang up where there once was a withered spirit.

Thank you...Jesus
Thank you...Holy Spirit
Thank you ...God
Thank you ...true friends

Mercy and Justice

I have been thinking about how I am going to teach world literature with my 10th graders next year. My idea right now is to have a theme within the books read. The theme would be social justice. I'm trying to think about fiction stories that include this theme. I would welcome any suggestions.

the votes have been counted

Well, the votes are in and there is no real frontrunner (is that one word?). Oh well, it will be today. I am on spring break this week. It really has lost its excitement. It's more of a respite from my day to day busyness now.

I thought I would combine 1 and 3 (Jason's suggestion). I was doing pretty well dealing with singleness. I think I was so busy with transitioning and learning how to do my job that i just didn't have much time to think about it. Anyway, here are the events that led up to me wanting to hurl a book about singleness across my room with much force. A friend of mine wanted to set me up with someone -it didn't work out- the guy backed out. Which started a downward spiral of loneliness and despair. I then went to school and asked "where are the normal 30 year old guys?" and was told "if they're normal they are all married" then followed up with "do you think you're called to be single?" Agghhh even married men can be really dumb sometimes. The only "high" point in the conversation was when a married 40 something substitute teacher (who i did not know was listening) chimed in to say "she's too hot to stay single" that comment made for a very uncomfortable moment. I realize as i write this that i am doing the very thing that i said i hated -writing about singleness. I digress. Around this time i was given a book about the above mentioned topic. I thought I would give it a try. Maybe it would lend me some insight. It only magnified my hurt. I tried to keep reading, but the girl sounded just like me. She is 37 has been on staff with a ministry and has taught english. As i read i felt like i was looking into my future. And it made me very angry and sad. But this woman seemed satisfied. Which made me even more angry. Can she really be that ok with things? If she can, why can't I? What is wrong with me? These were all of the thoughts I had bouncing around in my head.

On the bright side: I do get a marriage proposal from on of my ninth graders every day. Better than nothing, huh?

Decision '07

I have a few ideas for future posts. Sometimes I'm better at titles than the actual post. So, I thought I would let you vote and tell me which you are interested in hearing about most.

1. 14 or 44. My continual search for love and the receipt from the undesirable.
2. RESPECT find out what it means to me. Stories from the field. (teaching, that is)
3. Why I hate books about singleness.

Ok the ball is in the reader's court. Let me know what you want to read about.

risk and fear

I have been joking about how '07 is going to be my year. Year for what you might ask. My friend Lyndsey and I have been saying it is our year for love. Only, it always seems that the "love" that is offered to me is not what I want exactly. I think one of the flaws in my personality is that i can sell an idea to myself. I will have reservations about something but if i think about it long enough i will make it seem like a good idea. This is dangerous when it comes to dating. It makes it difficult for me to think clearly and objectively. Right now I am more confused than i have been in quite some time. There is a person that has entered into my life and he has lots of baggage. I do to. One thing I have noticed lately is that I really don't trust men. My friends, sure, but not men that are more than buddies. I rarely believe they are going to do what they say they will. I'm wondering if this man is worth me putting time and emotional energy into. I have lived pretty safe for the past 6 years. Is it time to take a risk? Is he somebody that i should take a risk with? I really don't know.

I'm still here!!

I know many of you thought I had dropped off the face of the earth. Contrary to popular belief I still know how to post blogs. I just haven't had time. Due to the fact that my home computer is yet again not operating correctly. I don't really have the time while I am at school to post anything either.

For those of you I don't see all that much...I am really enjoying teaching. I sure don't feel adequate but it is fun. It seems to be a good fit for me. I love being able to get to know the students and I am finding that I love learning and getting prepared for the lessons. I guess it helps that I like reading anyway. Sad thing about it though is that I don't have time to read for pleasure much anymore. Anyone have any suggestions for a good read?

One thing I really love about this job is getting to know the students. It has been a real natural transition. I keep thinking it's going to get really hard or I'm going to be really unhappy soon. It just seems too easy. I should just see it as a welcomed gift from the lord. But I keep looking over my shoulder to see what's next.

Gainfully Employed

I am officially a high school English teacher. (please don't judge my abilities on this blog!) I will start the job on Monday! How crazy is that. shhh, don't tell the kids but i don't know what i am doing. we'll all be learning as we go.

overlooked and forgotten?

As many of you know i am currently looking for a job. Sometime last year i started realizing that one of my biggest fears and misconceptions about God is that I will be overlooked or forgotten by him. I started seeing this in the are of singleness. Through searching my heart I saw how much i believed that he had forgotten about me. Well, while i have been looking for a job and continually have had doors shut in my face (not literally) that lie is creeping up again. I'm starting to see that idolatry is not just the things that we want really badly but any misconception about god that is fabricated in my mind and is not true of his character. His word has told me that he will never leave me nor forsake me. And as i read in Isaiah this morning it says "Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet i will not forget you. See I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." I pray that i will believe this - that HE has promised not to forget about me. The people who receive my resume may forget or overlook me because of my "lack of experience" but The Lord has promised not to and He is faithful.

Kate and Angie-i'm sure this will add fuel to the fire about California. Huh?

computers come to me to die

Most of my friends have heard me say that statement at least once. Well, you're hearing it again because the 3rd computer i have had in about 4 years decided to lose it's operating system. Sounds like a horrible thing. Sounds like the equivelant to a human losing their identity or their memory. This has to be a terrible thing for a computer but let me say an even more cruel thing for it's owner. I have become so dependent on that Thinkpad for my communication to the outside world. Now I have to resort to going to the public library. Ahhh, gone are the days of surfing the net in privacy or looking for cool new music on itunes. I must pause for a moment of silence for my dear friend..

Ok i'm done. I do have more news. I have a new house that i am moving into. It's pretty cute and i love the area that it is in. As i have been driving to my new home i have noticed the same girl running a lot. she likes to wear pants and just her sports bra. which i think is strange. why just the sports bra if you are going to wear long pants? I think she is on a weight loss regime. The last time i saw her though i had a thought. It will be so exciting to watch my new found friend drop the lb's. Maybe that is a bit voyeuristic (sp) but i'm curious. She has inspired me to lace up the running shoes and hit the pavement. Even though i haven't done it yet.

Also, i went on a job interview for a teaching position. something my mother has wanted me to be since college. The headmaster gave the job to someone with a doctorate. imagine that. However, he is trying to find money in the budget to hire me as a part time assistant to him and part time teacher. I would get benefits and an ok salary. This sounds like a great transition job for me. So, if you think of it pray that the school has money in the budget for me!

Praises!

These are the students i have been spending the summer with. Very soon we will be leaving Thailand. Please pray that we will have endurance to finish strong and that we will continue to have a burden for our new Thai friends.

If you look carefully you can see the look of pain on jessica's face...it's just because she misses adam soooo much. just kidding she was getting stung by bugs while we were taking the pic.
















This is my friend Kwan. She came to the evangelistic retreat this weekend. Kwan is a girl that we have been spending a lot of time with. Sarah and I actually went home with her for the anniversary of the death of her grandfather. At the beginning of the summer she was not interested in christianity-but this weekend she told us that she wanted purpose in her life. I believe this is evidence that the lord is at work in her heart. If you think about it pray for Kwan.



My summer in Thailand has been really good for me personally. All year I have struggled with really finding joy in the Lord. But being on staff with ministry I was constantly talking to girls about god and trying to help them. The only problem was that my own heart was hard and cold. This led to much frustration within myself. The only thing i felt wast the ache to want to feel god. But when i went before him it's like i didn't know what to do. It's been like that while i've been here as well but i think the difference is that i've been honest with the people on my team and with god. Just this week i have felt as if the words in my bible have lept off of the page and gone directly into my heart. In Ps. 18: 28 it says "For it is you who light my lamp; the lord my god lightens my darkness." It is god who reveals sin and gives me hope that sin is defeated! I have been so encouraged by meditating on this.

oh one other update from the evanelistic retreat..one girl that i know of became a christian! i'm sure there will be more fruit. we may not see it for some time though.

Thailand fun facts

These are some photos from my trip. I'll give you some details about them. The first one is from when we went to the snake village. As you can see i am not in this picture. That is because i didn't hold one. (shh don't tell anyone but i am really scared of snakes). The guy in the middle would scare the snakes with his one crazy eye. Oh don't worry he also put the cobra's head in his mouth.

The second photo is of sarah but what you can't see as well in the background is the thai version of kip dynamite. we see him every week in his short shorts playing badminton. and let me tell you he is hardcore about it. actually all the thai's are into badminton. they hit that birdie like it'a tennis ball. i never knew that a birdie could be so intimidating. i pretty much suck at badminton! i didn't know that until i came here though.

The third photo is of our mode of transportation. the good ol carryboy. of which i wrote about in the earlier post. the carryboy is falling apart piece by piece. we are carrying around pieces of it's bumper and other parts at all times. the upside is that all 10 team members fit in just fine.

Last but not least. the last photo is of me, stephanie and a girl that goes to samford who is actually from thailand. she came to visit us this summer. she became a christian in america and had not been around thai christians until she came to church with us in Khon Kaen. it's been really cool to see a bigger picture of the body of christ.

i'll write more soon about what i have been learning and processing. my heart and mind have just been muddled lately.

carryboys and the such

well, here is my first post from thailand. as i write this i am sitting on our "front porch" where we actually have wireless internet. angie, thailand has come a long way since we were here. we even found a coffee shop close to us. kku has turned into a thriving metropolis. 7/11/s on every corner where you can find all kind of tasty treats. that may be my downfall this summer. so far we are adjusting fine here. everyone on the team has had a great attitude and we are in the process of meeting many new thai friends. it's amazing to see not only economic change but spiritual change as well here. there are more thai christians now, that are growing and wanting to give their faith away. it's doing my heart good to be here. today we talked about the motivation for ministry -it was so good to hear their staff say that it is not about gutting it out for the lord but about walking in freedom and the fact that knowing we are free makes us want to fight. over here the fight is to want to hang in there in a conversation past the first 5 minutes and to chose to love others more than myself. but isn't the fight the same at home. selfishness is there no matter what side of the earth you are on. it's just magnified here because nothing is familiar and every conversation is draining

on our first trip to the thai version of wal-mart..lotus. kara's car started smoking from around the back tires. one of the staff guys thought it was because the emergency break was not pushed in all the way. so we got back in the death trap loaded down with all of our purchases to come home. we didn't get very far until we noticed that the car would not accelerate. now, for those of you who have not been to thailand...trafic rules are more of a suggestion. we were stopped at a red light at a major intersection and the car would not move. all was well until a 2 story bus came at us at a breakneck speed showing no sign of stopping or moving. all of us were paralyzed with fear the bus swerved at just the right time though. right after that one of the staff wives pulled up beside us we quickly transported ourselves and our goods into her car and sped off. leaving the car to pushed away by the guys on the team. all is well now.

ladies night out and other fun facts

here is the missing photo from the previous post. for some reason i could not get the picture to upload last time. that's my mom on the right with her mouth hanging open. she was saying "florabama" instead of cheese. while this is not the most flattering photo i just wanted everyone to see where i prefer to spend my free time these days.

i'm flying out saturday for thailand. my flight is @ 2:15 pm.

but before that i'm taking my state exam for real estate -thursday @ 1:30 please pray that i pass this the first time. i don't want to be a statistic. you have to make a 70 to pass if people don't pass it's not because they fail-they usually make between 65-69. i don't want that to be me.



i'll keep you guys posted on the happenings in southeast asia.

highlights

Since many of my posts have been rantings or sentimental moments as of late. i thought i would share some of the high points.

1) I went to the Florabama for the 1st time....the kicker with this one...i went with my mother and a whole bunch of middle aged women. i have a picture to prove it...look for yourself.

2) i went on a date and had a good time! i don't really need to expound, do i ?

3) i passed the final for my real estate class. one hurdle cleared

4) i am completely moved out of my house in montevallo. so there will be no more posts complaining about having to do that. i know i know everyone is breathing a sigh of relief.

procrastinators...mount up

hey guys, guess what i suck at time management! for all of you who didn't know it i am a hardcore procrastinator. i live by this phrase "tomorrow is my favorite day of the week". here are words of wisdom from unwise. do not and i repeat do not, wait until 2 weeks before you leave for a foreign country to pack up your house, take a big exam that you don't feel at all prepared for, throw in a vacation and a day trip to nashville. uggghh what the heck was i thinking?

for those of you in town if you would like to help me..moving day is may 20. hopefully i'll see you by me portable on demand storage unit!

and we're back

so i have another date. not with the same person. the one thing i am seeing through this is how scared i am of screwing things up in a relationship. somehow i think going to i don't know a million relationship seminars in my life has maybe done more harm than good. i feel like my expectations for the person are out the roof. i fear that i will make the wrong choice, or that he won't be a "leader" or that others will think i have settled. all of the things i have been taught about relationships sound good in theory i just don't know how much it happens like that. i keep hearing my own advice to people-that there isn't a rule book and everyone's story is different. i tend to give more grace to others than myself it seems. i am seeing that i am almost paralyzed by my fear of repeating past mistakes or just making bad decisions period.

to all the girls i've loved before

a new take on an old song. to all the girls i've loved before who've traveled in and out my door. i finally came along and written you this song. something like that. can't you hear good ol willy nelson singing it. this post goes out to all of the women who have ever darkened the door of 1330 ashville road (aka the ashville estate). there have been more than are pictured here but i didn't have pictures of you on my computer. to all of you, i love you dearly. i have shared more laughter and tears with you than i can count. i am so grateful for the time we have shared together. i never dreamed that i would love all of you so much. i now call you friends.

california or bust

I miss these people. Kate, if you are reading this, for the first time i considered moving out there. In some ways you guys are my family.

vicious cycle

are we doomed to repeat past mistakes? let me change that. am i doomed to repeat past mistakes? i feel like i have gotten in a vicious cycle and am spinning out of control. one aspect of my personality that i have a love hate relationship with is that i am a hopeless romantic. i love it because i continue to hope to find someone to love and be loved by and i hate it for the same reason.

streams in the desert

as i was playing around on the computer i thought about something. i do this (look at my friend's blogs and pages on myspace) to fill up time so i don't really have think about anything. i am concerned for my heart because i would rather write on this blog than pray. i think the reason for that is that i get feedback in written form from friends. i would rather read my friends thoughts than get in the word and read His thoughts. yesterday i was talking to my friend steph and she was sharing how she has felt dry spiritually lately. but she was beginning to see that God was in some way showing her his unconditional love by what seemed to be his absence. that made sense to me because it is in the times of drought that we remember what it was like when we felt close to god.
that conversation reminded me of a hymn

for a moment i withdrew
and thy heart was filled with pain
but my mercies i'll renew
thou shalt soon rejoice again
though i seem to hide my face
very soon my wrath shall cease
tis but for a moments space
ending in eternal peace

The Date "Making Mountains out of Molehills"

that isn't my own title i stole it from a song by barbara kessler and if you haven't heard it, all you single girls should check it out. oh, she has got us nailed.

anyways. i write this to let all my friends out in cyberspace know that i have a date tonight. and let me just say it has been many moons since that has happened. amazingly enough, i am not nervous yet. it is only 10 am though. i am starting to see that since it has been so long i think i have really high expectations for the person i want to date. i feel a bit rusty at all of this and on top of it i think it tends to be a bit more serious now that i am 28. i'm putting way too much pressure on myself. oh well. that's how i roll.

Walking in Circles...the sequal

Where did this walk begin

We met ,I smiled

You hesitated

I pushed

You smiled

We started our journey

No destination

No thoughts of where to go

Or When we would get there

We only walk one way

We only walk one way

Not towards hope

Only repetition

We walk

We walk

We walk in circles

Walking in Circles

Many posts ago I started writing an autobiography about an ongoing "relationship" in my life. I probably should pick that up again. although it is not going to be in story form. If you want to read the other post about this i think it is entitled Welcome to my life. you can get the back story there. Well, today i spent lots of time with my dear old friend. We had an interesting conversation. This is how it went Eric: "well, what do you want to do next" ginny: "i don't care"
Eric: "there's always Homewood park, we can go walk in circles" Ginny: "that's the way our relationship started and what we're still doing" walking in circles that is. We just continue in the same place never moving forward and never getting completely out of each others lives. i will say, this i was really encouraged today and had a good time.

How I feel

This poem sums up how i feel right now.

George Gray

I have studied many times

The marble which was chiseled for me-

A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.

In truth it pictures not my destination

But my life.

For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;

Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;

Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.

Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.

And now I know that we must lift the sail

And catch the winds of destiny

Wherever they drive the boat.

To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,

But life without meaning is the torture

Of restlessness and vague desire-

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

-Edgar Lee Masters

mountain of worry

help! i feel as if i am being buried under anxiety over my future plans. it's not like they are huge decisions but i am feeling overwhelmed and anxious nonetheless. i'm trying to figure out the best thing to do with my furniture and other crap i have accumulated while i am in thailand. where am i going to live? who am going to live with? will i have enough money to live off of? i need to find a place to live that is affordable and has a back yard for the ol pooch. i know they sound like trivial decisions but the trip out of the country and moving back to start a new job really does throw a kink into things. another looming question-will i even pass this damn test anyway? just thought i would throw these questions out into cyberspace and see where they land.

broken things

You can have my heart
it isn't new
it's been used & broken
and only comes in blue

it's been down a long road
it got dirty on the way
if i give it to you
will you make it clean
and wash the shame away
-Lucy Kaplansky

dog days and doubts

This is my dog Loulabell. Yeah she's pretty cute. Don't let that innocent face fool you. She is my reason for making me doubt having kids one day.
moral of the story-dogs are fun but know that you want one before you bring one home.

longings

I don't really even know where to start. I'm feeling a little blue tonight. Probably doesn't help that I am by myself. It seems like i tend to get morbidly introspective when i am left alone. I guess more than anything i am just somewhat frustrated with myself. How long can you long for something, pray for something and hope for it to become a reality until you give up hope. I honestly feel silly writing about this on my blog. But felt the need to get it out there. If i am gut level honest i have to admit that if i never get married or even ever have another date i will not be content with that. I sit here on a saturday night drinking a cup of coffee and pouring out my feelings to my computer. i gotta be honest when i think about my life this is not how i picture it to be. like Lloyd Dobbler says in say anything "i'm looking for a dare to be great situation" unlike Lloyd i don't want to be the hero-i want a hero. I want someone to notice me and see that i am worth fighting for. Even more than that i don't want just someone I want a certain someone that will remain nameless here to finally get it-for us to finally want the same things for our relationship. Sorry if this is a bit vague. But I know what i mean and i venture to guess that the few people that read this know what i mean as well. To all of you thanks for being my friends.

Thankfulness

I have recently realized what a deserving mentality that i have. i think i am entitled to a life that is without hardships. believing that lie leads me into much sin. i start getting bitter for the things that i don't have that i want and towards the people that don't give me the things i want. so with that said i've decided i need to list out the little things that make me happy and that i am grateful for (all these are found in montevallo)
1) not knowing what flavor coffee will be at eclipse
2) walking my dog lou at orr pard and meeting other dog lovers there
3) getting a snack for $.35 (this includes a fudge round and 16oz diet coke! yummy)
4) knowing the waiters at zapopan (mexican restaurant)
5) the tulips that bloom in the spring near the president's house
6) walking to campus on a nice sunny day with renee
7) all the sweet friends that i have made here
8) all the fun memories that have been made at 1330 ashville rd.
9) getting to see little by little girls lives being changed
10) getting to see little by little my life being changed.

this is a short and incomplete list of things i am grateful for. may yours be grateful for the simple things in life as well!

All the roots grow deeper when it's dry

Prosperity will have its season
even when it's here it's going by
when it's gone we pretend we know the reasons why
but all the roots grow deeper when it's dry

this is a song by a favorite artist of mine, David Wilcox. you might say i have an obsession. this song really hit me for the first time this week. he's talking about a harvest in the song. but it made me think about my financial situation. now granted i haven't experienced much prosperity but i have experienced more than i am now. the point i got from this song is that in my poverty hopefully my roots will grow deeper. i pray that this will grow my character and push me to depend more and more on the one who is truly my provider. i think it could be so easy for me to get bitter and ungrateful towards god and envious towards others who seem to have it easier than me. but i just have to believe that my roots will grow deeper in christ during this drought of my monetary needs.

the only thing that stays the same is change!

ahh... so much to ponder tonight. today i registered for my real estate class. my life is going to be drastically different next year. new roommates, new career path, somewhat new city and maybe even a new church. i'm not sure if i can handle all these changes. it's so easy to think that if you are unhappy with your life all you have to do is start a new life and you will all of the sudden be satisfied. i don't think that is always the case though. a change of venue doesn't change a heart. if my heart is not satisfied and fulfilled in christ here in montevallo, al. chances are a new a job in birmingham isn't the right remedy for my sickness.

Wounded Heart


For as long as i can remember i have wanted to be in love. i have been in love with being in love. it never seems to work out for me though. i have been reading this book by steve brown (one of my favorite authors) in the book he was talking about how badly he always wanted to pastor a mega church, god never gave him one though. he said he didn't think it happened because god knew what that it would be too important to him. i have been thinking and pondering on that thought and wonder if that is why all my attempts at relationships are failures. i want to think that it just isn't time and that god is going to one day give me the perfect person for me. but maybe this idol of a relationship needs to be dismantled. my only problem is i really don't know how to do that.

So there is this guy....

Isn't that the way most girls stories begin? or the good ones at least. i have a friend whom i have not even met yet. and the crazy thing even he can mess with my brain and if i'm real honest my heart as well. more and more i am seeing just how important a relationship is to me. how badly i want to be in one. but more than anything i do want to be satisfied in christ. there are times that i get really sad when i think about the possibility of never getting married. it's like satan is whispering in my ear "he'll never give you the desires of your heart, god is cruel like that" if i i'm not struggling with wrong thoughts about god i then turn to wrong thoughts about me like...if i'm not perfect physically noone is ever going to want me. it's a struggle some days for my heart and mind to rest in the promises of God. that he is working all things to my good and that he is not withholding one good thing for me.

Overwhelmed & Unmotivated

i am beginning my last semester with campus outreach and i must confess i am experiencing both of these emotions. this is the first year that i have felt way too old to do this job. i am really tired of feeling like i have to push my way into social settings all the while wondering if they really even want me there. i am more often than not feeling like an outsider no matter where i am. when i am with students i don't feel myself and when i am with people closer to my own age i feel strange as well. probably because i have basically been in college for oh about 10 years now. there is something strange about staying in this stage of life for that long when it normally only lasts for 4 years (unless you went to a state school). all of these feelings are part of why i feel so unmotivated. i think that my heart is starting to move away from this but doesn't know really what there is in store around the corner.

i am overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities. i would much rather be able to coast this semester but god is not allowing that. i am helping lead a team overseas this summer and that is adding more to my plate. not to mention issues with my support. i am looking at possibly making $700 a month depending on what amount comes in every month. i am a little anxious to say the least. i had all these plans to save money before i moved on but that may not be the case. i am foreseeing meals that consist of beanie weenies and raman noodles next year. i hope it's better than that.